Out with the Old....

.....In with the new! Since the Bump Watch is now officially over, it's time for a new blog. And because I'm going to want to share pictures and videos of the little Munchkin, I've decided to restrict viewers to the new blog so that not everyone in the universe can view Mia's life on the Internet. I will be sending out email invitations to view the new blog in the next week or so, once I get around to adding every ones address to my list. HOWEVER, I will undoubtedly, inadvertently and unintentionally miss some of you --- I may not even have some of your addresses --- so if you'd like to view the new blog and don't receive an email invite, shoot me an email or give me a call. See you on the flip side!

The F%*$! Breakfast Sandwich

Before I start, let me say that in an effort not to lose readership or have anyone hurl, I’m going to spare you the Knitty Gritty Details (KGD) of our labor story. Truth be told, it wasn’t so bad. I had had an incredibly busy day at work on Friday the 30th. After work I had a work function, then a haircut, then dinner with John and a couple of friends. I went to bed at 11 feeling fine. At 3 am, it became pretty obvious to me that I was going into labor. Remember those terms we learned at our childbirth class? Things like ruptured membranes and mucous plugs? Well, suffice to say all of that happened. About an hour and a half later, the contractions started. By 8 a.m. I decided it was time to get to the hospital, but John wanted to get something to eat first. As I was waiting in the car for him to come out with his breakfast sandwich, my contractions started coming about 3 minutes apart, and to say that I was in pain is a bit of an understatement. Next thing I know, John comes out – without his sandwich. When I asked him where it was, he said, “They’re making it.” At this point, Psycho Bitch reared her ugly head and told the Daddy To Be that he’d better tell the people making his sandwich to put a f#*&! rush order on it or I would be driving my own ass to the hospital. Alas, we made it and I got my drugs, although the epidural seemed to wear off after a couple of hours. I definitely felt the entire PROCESS, shall we say, but look what we got at the end! John watched the whole thing and even cut the umbilical cord, and when I asked him how bad it was to watch, he said, “It really wasn’t that bad. Cleaning out a duck is much worse.” I feel so much better. :)

Getting to Know You

All right, I have to admit that we are totally freaking ga-ga over this little nugget. She gets cuter by the day, I swear, and she's such a good baby. We have all been adjusting to life with Mia, and Mia is adjusting to life AS Mia. She is continuously exploring, stretching, opening her eyes, smiling, crying, sneezing, peeing, pooping, spitting up, etc. etc. It's ALL GOOD. She's even slept for three to four hours at a stretch the past two nights, which was fabulous. Miles is hanging in there; he has sniffed and kissed her a number of times but it still trying to figure this whole thing out.

Please forgive me if you haven't heard from me. Everyone has been so awesome about calling, texting, emailing, etc., and I just haven't had the opportunity (wonder why?) to get back to everyone, but know that we appreciate everything and feel very loved. Mia is a lucky girl.

More soon.....I have to fill you in on the whole labor story. :)

Bun Exits Oven

She's here! Mia Catherine Gordon surprised us all by coming 18 days early. Oven Mom had just gone to the doctor on Friday and was told that she was 1 cm dilated but still had at least a week or two to go. Wrong! At 3 a.m. Saturday morning my water broke, contractions started about an hour later, we left for the hospital around 8:15, was admitted and had my epidural by 9:30, started pushing at 12 and little Mia joined the world at 12:40 p.m. 7 lbs, 2 ozs, 20 inches.

More soon!

Our Little Swiss Chard

This week, Bun is approximately 6 lbs. and almost 19 inches long ---- like a stalk of Swiss Chard (this is according to BabyCenter.com). And this little Swiss Chard is kicking away all the time. SC is also constantly putting intense pressure on Oven Mom’s bladder (I average about 3-4 trips to the bathroom each night) and causing some serious sciatica pain. But it’s all worth it, we are convinced. At this point, we’re getting very excited and anxious to meet our little Swiss Chard, and finally find out whether we’re going to have a son or a daughter! (By the way, if you haven’t wagered a guess yet, check out our online poll below). Oven Mom is also looking quite large. I’ll save the largeness for next week’s 38 week Bump Watch photo, but to give you an idea of size, here are a couple of hilarious comments I received over the weekend: “You look like a pencil with the eraser in the wrong place!” and (from an older gay gentleman): “Oh, DEAR, you must stay away from those watermelon seeds….they’re dangerous.” Vitals from yesterday’s appointment: Weight gain: 20 lbs. Blood pressure: 114/70. Bun’s Heartbeat: 128 bpms. Belly Measurement: Exactly 37 weeks. THREE WEEKS TO GO!

Weigh In

All right, darling readers, it’s time to wager your guesses about All Things Bun. You’ve come along with us this far into our pregnancy journey, so you know a lot of details and have seen The Belly grow. Time to weigh in!

Do you think Bun is a boy or a girl? When do you think Bun will be born? How much will he/she weigh? How long will he/she be? We’ve set up an online “poll” and would love to see your guesses. The person who comes closest to reality will win a prize! I’m not quite sure what that prize will be yet, but it’ll be good- you’re just going to have to take my word for it. Enter your guess – check out http://www.expectnet.com/games/GordonBun

John Lost His Basketball

….Shhhhh……..I ate it! Yes, Oven Mom is larger and more in charge each day. And often feels like an oven. Apparently your core body temperature rises (due to the baking, obviously) during pregnancy, and although I’m usually cold, these days I am often so hot it’s all I can do not to go running out of a room to get fresh air or start stripping clothes off. Seriously, it’s ridiculous. And so is this back pain! My sciatica is really killing me. It’s insanely uncomfortable, but the doctor said with all of this weight up front, it’s natural. Greeaaaatttt. By the way, our appointment the other day was totally normal – Weight gain: 19.2 lbs. Blood Pressure: 110/70. Bun’s Heartbeat: 140 bpms. Belly measurement: Exactly 36 weeks. FOUR WEEKS TO GO!!!

Spoiled Rotten

Me, Bun and Big Daddy were spoiled once again! Our Delaware shower was on Saturday, and once again people came from near and far to celebrate the impending arrival of Bun with us. And - once again - we were showered with presents, smiles and love, and it was wonderful. I'm not sure if every Mom To Be has permagrin during their shower, but I know I did. Besides all of the lovely presents and the time and effort the "planners" put into it, I left feeling like Bun is very lucky to have such fabulous people in his/her life already. Thanks, all of you, who gave me permagrin on Saturday. I know Bun was smiling too.

ABUNdant Belly

The Belly continues to grow. Hence, so does Bun. What does this mean for Oven Mom? Well, it’s been a little bit of a rough week. Preggers saw a significant decrease in energy this past week, which is hard to take. I’m not experiencing anything as bad as the First Trimester zzzzz’s, but I just hope it doesn’t get any worse. I’ve also had some sciatica, which, frankly, makes me feel old. I mean, how often do you hear someone my age say, “Man, my sciatica is really killing me today.” Not very $@#$! often! In addition, the painful growing pains, particularly in the Belly region, were fierce this week. I know it’s everything stretching and pulling and moving around – intestines included (nice thought, huh?), but MAN, sometimes I’m really hurtin’. Although I’ve gained just 20 lbs. so far, those 20 lbs. are killer. By the time I get dressed for the gym, I feel like I’ve already had a work out. If you’re curious as to what I mean, tape a 20 lb. pillow to your abdomen and try getting socks and sneakers on. Motherhood is definitely not for sissies. Alas, this is all for a good cause, and the Bun has a limited amount of time left in Oven Mom! Tomorrow is not only another shower for us (we’re so spoiled), but a month – 31 days, to be precise – from our due date! Meep!

Inconceivable!

Seriously, were our feet EVER this small? I can’t imagine. I mean, I know babies are small humans, but the size of this sock is RIDICULOUS. They are so cute, I just want to eat one. In fact, most of the baby clothes I spent most of Saturday washing were SO small, I thought there had been a mistake and people had bought doll clothes by accident. I guess I have a lot to learn. However, I did learn that there is WAY too much packaging associated with baby clothes – hangers, price tags, size stickers, those annoying little plastic things that keep things together or pinned to cardboard……it’s almost as if baby clothes manufacturers are saying, “Congrats on becoming a parent! Here’s your first lesson in patience: try to get these clothes off the hanger and into the washer. Good luck!” Seriously, I spent about an hour just getting everything de-tagged.

In other news, my co-workers threw me a Baby Shower today. I was totally caught by surprise and it was so nice to take a break from the hectic-ness and open presents in the middle of a crazy day. And eat cake. Eating cake is always fun, especially these days. It’s like, Carbs? Yes please. Sweets? Bring ‘em on. Carbs and sweets combined into one? Pure. Heaven. On. Earth.

Bump Watch! 34 Weeks (by request)

Just six weeks to go, and the Hormones from Hell have kicked in. Preggers is slightly more emotional lately. I think I stared at my belly this morning for a solid five minutes, hardly blinking, trying to decide whether to laugh or cry. I have definitely experienced a growth spurt in the belly region, and have also had some growing pains and backaches to go along with it. And WOW, The Belly is getting big. This kid is going to be huge! I can see it already: a 12 pounder for sure. And here's the really scary part: I'm only going to get bigger. Yikes! How is that humanly possible?

Due Dates

Another Doctor's appointment today, and another confirmation that our due date of June 17th is right on. I am, apparently, measuring at EXACTLY 34 weeks, which means six weeks from today, Bun should be here. Operative word: SHOULD. Technically a due date is a guesstimate, with delivery two weeks before OR two weeks after considered normal. And as much as they tell you that it's a guesstimate, your due date becomes a date you permanently fixate on, even though you know that only a small percentage of babies are born on their due date. Well, I think Bun will be in that small percentage. For one thing, most babies are born on a Tuesday. I don't remember where I read that, but I'm going with it - June 17th is a Tuesday. Secondly, one of my best friends got married on June 17th. Obviously a sign. Thirdly, the Full Moon is the 18th, and apparently a lot of babies are born around a Full Moon. And lastly, well.......I will be crawling out of my skin come June 18th, so I just KNOW Bun will make Mommy happy and arrive when he/she should. ;) Oh, and for those who are curious, Bun's heartbeat was 123 bpms today.

Pregnancy Brain

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Pregnancy Brain, let me start by saying that it is a very real affliction. It effects many pregnant women, not just blond ones, and it’s directly related to those wonderful little hormones that can wreak havoc on your body and cause everything from acne to cankles. Fortunately I have not had to deal with acne or cankles (YET), but my Pregnancy Brain is getting increasingly worse. More and more I am finding spoons where the forks are supposed to be and I have even found the coffee pot (full of steaming hot coffee) in the refrigerator. The other day I was sending out about 20 pieces of mail and luckily realized (at the last minute) that I had put the stamp on the left side of all of the envelopes instead of the right side. And just today at work, I stopped in the bathroom and put the papers I was carrying underneath the Oust so they wouldn’t go anywhere, and didn’t realize until I got back to my office that not only had I grabbed my papers on the way out, but I had carried the Oust back to my desk as well. Now, I know what you’re thinking --- How many “DUH” moments can you blame on Pregnancy Brain? Well, here’s your answer, straight from the mouth of Psycho Bitch herself: As many as I please, #*&^$@! Wait until YOU’RE pregnant, and then we’ll talk.

Spa Treatments, Hormones and Hiccups

Me and one of my preggo girlfriends decided we needed some pampering, so Saturday we spent the day getting our nails and toes done and getting preggo massages. It was fabulous. I highly recommend such services to other preggers out there. Just do what we did --- spend money you don’t have and enjoy every second of it! In other news, Preggers is slightly more psycho and bitchy these days. I’ve noticed that when I come upon Country or Christian radio stations, the urge to rip the stereo out of the car is even more intense than usual, and my patience for slow, bad and/or inconsiderate drivers is non-existent instead of low. The New York in me has come out a number of times, and I must admit that it’s not pretty. I’ve had to apologize to Bun a few times and remind him/her that sometimes Mommy uses adult words, but words that aren’t to be repeated. I’m Preggers, dammit - I have the right to be bitchy. Case in point: last night as we were falling asleep Bun got hiccups again. They were so intense that John could feel them, and he said, “How are you going to fall asleep with all of that going on in there?” Good question, Hub. Welcome to pregnancy. :)

Bun Says "No"

Well, apparently the little Whipper Snapper was not in the mood to be photographed yesterday, and was ready to fight about it. This is, believe it or not, the best photo we got, and it's the back of Bun's head and his/her left arm. The right hand is also in there - Bun is in perfect boxing position, ready to kick some ass. Alas, despite the disappointment about the pictures, Bun is doing well and we even got to see some peach fuzz hair coming in - all spikey, it was so cute. Heartbeat measured at 127 bpms and Bun weighs approximately 4 lbs. In other news, I'm ready to unleash Psycho Bitch on Babies R Us because we STILL do not have a changing table/dresser for Bun. It's a story that's too long to bore you with, but if you have a kid anytime in the near future, take my advice: DON'T ORDER THROUGH BABIES R US. They should be called Bitches R Us, or Morons R Us, or Pains in the Asses R Us. Sorry, just had to vent.

Bump Watch! 32 Weeks

Here we are, once again in our fuzzy socks and sweats. Cheers to 8 months! 32 weeks down, just 8 left to go. And how about that belly button? We need some Popper Stoppers PRONTO!Preggers is exhausted tonight so this is going to be short and sweet. I'll post the ONE photo of Bun we got during today's Ultrasound tomorrow. But don't get your hopes up - Bun was NOT COOPERATIVE. It's not a great photo, but all went well and we are, of course, grateful for that. A good photo would have been nice though. More tomorrow!

A Tip for Mommy and A New Development

So we've already established how NOT to buckle up baby, and John now knows that bench presses are off limits for a few years. Here is another pearl of wisdom from "Safe Baby Handling Tips" --- it looks like I'm going to have to wait to share a latte with Bun for awhile.

In other news, last night just as I was falling asleep, I noticed a strange feeling in my lower abdomen. At first I thought it was gas bubbles (these happen quite often in pregnancy), and then I actually thought (in my half-asleep mind) that Bun was trying to communicate via Morse Code. I realized, however, that the tappings/bubbles were timed about 3 seconds apart........HICCUPS! Bun had hiccups for a good 10 minutes or so, and it was all I could do not to start laughing. Yet another wild development in the pregnancy of Baby G.

Next week we get another Ultrasound (meaning more pictures!), so stay tuned. We also hit the 8 month mark on Tuesday, so a Bump Watch is also in the future. See you soon!

Childbirth Class

We took a Childbirth Class yesterday at our OB/GYN's office. It was a one-day, one shot deal, and we are both thankful for that. We got to tour the hospital, which was good for me because I'm a total visual person, and the rooms are actually pretty nice. But of course we also had to sit through two very in-your-face, very corny movies - one about "The Miracle of Child Birth" and the other about "Breastfeeding: A Special Relationship." Our instructor also told us about the hospital's lactation consultant, Nancy the Nipple Nazi (I'm not kidding), and we got to hear all about things that were uncomfortable just to listen to let alone actually think about experiencing. I'll leave you with a few of the terms we heard yesterday, just to give you a feeling for how we spent our Saturday: mucous plug, bloody show, episiotomy, stitches, diarrhea, tar-like stools, engorgement, ruptured membranes, afterbirth. We left both wanting a drink. At least John got to have one.....

Bump Watch! 30 Weeks

30 weeks! You know what that means - only 10 more weeks to go (we hope! Unless Bun has his/her Mommy's sense of time, in which case Bun might be a liiiiiiittle late.....) Oven Mom is still feeling good and feeling Bun move all the time. We had another doctor's check up yesterday and although my belly is, apparently, measuring a little "small" (if you can believe that one), everything is great. The doctor said I am having "the perfect pregnancy." The doctor is a man, however, so that's easy for HIM to say. But I really have had a pretty easy time of it. I would be lying if I told you I didn't have times when I looked down and went, "HOLY S*#! But I am continuously amazed by The Belly and The Bun inside it.

We Were Showered, All Right

My NY shower took place yesterday, and it was fabulous. People came from near and far, some driving as long as four hours just to be there. There is nothing like walking into a room and knowing every face there and feelin' the love right away. Our [borrowed] truck (thanks, Geno) was filled to the gills with gifts for Bun when we left yesterday, and we had so much fun going through everything again last night. I should also note that Big Brother Miles inspected and examined nearly every gift, but didn't try to claim any for himself. I think he knows they are for Bun. And what a spoiled little Bun he/she is, so lucky to have such wonderful people love him/her already. THANK YOU for everything all of you did. You know who you are and you know we love you, many times over. XOXO

Mommy's Pimping a New Ride

Pretty soon, the Gordon Family will grow
from three members to four.
Which means we'll need more room....
and a car with one more door.

So off we went for a new SUV
to fit Big Daddy, Bun, Miles and Me.

And this is what we got!
You have to admit, it's pretty hot.

Each day we get closer to being ready for The Bun.
Just 10 more weeks until it's Daddy, Mommy, and Miles, plus one!

A Tip for and an Ode to Big Daddy

Well, it looks like lifting weights with Dad is going to have to wait a while. I know John will be anxious to get our little Whipper Snapper into the gym (and on to the court), but bench presses are, apparently, a few years down the road yet. In the meantime, however, Little Bun's Big Daddy has been preparing his ass off for his son/daughter's arrival. From re-organizing things to building storage space to giving up his beloved Big Black Ford F250 so that we could get an SUV for Bun to orchestrating a refinance to accompanying me on trips to Babies R Us (which I know he LOVED....) to putting things together, Big Daddy has been an outstanding help to Oven Mommy. I know this is just the beginning of the many great things he will do for Bun. Such a lucky little Bun, he/she is. And he/she doesn't even know it yet. Then again, maybe he/she does.....Much Love, Big Daddy ---- Your Oven Mom and Baby Bun

Little Bun's Bed

Talk about Cute Overload. I can't get enough of this crib set with all of the animals; it's just too freaking adorable. As you can see, our weekend project is complete, and was completed in about two hours. It wasn't nearly as difficult to put together as we had originally thought. I kept picturing that scene from "Beaches" when they start beating the crap out of the various pieces of the crib, and I totally thought that would be us. Alas, the crib is put together and ready for a little Bun to sleep in it. Let's hope that's exactly what little Bun does. Lord knows his/her Mommy and Daddy love themselves some zzzzzzzzzzz's. Nighty night.

Bump Watch! 28 Weeks

Holy Belly Batman! I'm getting larger by the day. And now that we've hit the 28 week mark, I am officially in my third (LAST) trimester! 12 more weeks! Now, I really hope you guys don't pay too much attention to what I'm wearing in my Bump Watch photos, because most of the time (like today), I just change into my sweats and leave my work shirt on. Often times, I look ridiculous, but who cares? I'm preggers! Note to maternity clothes manufacturers: Can you please, PLEASE try to make some clothes that are somewhat normal? I mean, obviously leave some room for the belly, and make them as comfy as possible, but us Preggers could really do without looking like big fat lards, thank you very much. Honestly, most maternity clothing would make even a skinny, non-pregnant person look pregnant. They are SO unflattering and SO lacking any kind of style. I mean, just this past week I wore ONE maternity shirt to work, and one of my co-workers said, “My, you’re blooming!” Now I know she was trying to be nice, which is why I didn’t bitch slap her, but the point is that apparently I only look like I’m BLOOMING when I wear friggin’ MATERNITY stuff! For those of you looking for a new career, consider trying to come up with stylish maternity clothes. It would be challenging, and it would certainly be rewarding when you saw the smiles on the faces of Preggers’ everywhere. And I, for one, would buy your stuff. Come on, doesn’t trying to dress a watermelon sound fun?

Bun Continues to Bake

We had our second ultrasound today, and I can’t tell you how much fun it is to get an “inside” look at what Bun is up to. He/she is developing beautifully, and now weighs in at 2lbs, 8 oz. Bun’s heartbeat was measured at 138 bpms and our due date of June 17th seems right on. We had to look away a number of times so that we didn’t see Bun’s sex, but we got to see all sorts of other fun things – the cerebellum, the 4 chambers of the heart beating away, and even Bun’s fingers and a foot. At one point Bun had his/her hands in front of its face, like a boxer, with one foot up near it’s forehead (that little mofo is AGILE – I was so impressed!) and later on we got a couple of great profile shots, as you can see. We got the one profile shot and then Bun decided that that was as good a time as any to practice its sucking and swallowing reflexes, so we got to see Bun opening and closing it’s little mouth. Hence the photo titled “Mouth Open.” The photo looks a little weird, but it was SO FREAKING CUTE. And then Bun did an about face, and turned his/her back to us, as if to say, “All right, enough already.” And that was it. We’re such proud parents. :)

Cute Overload

Here are some photos of The Bun's room. We didn't want to stick with the traditional green and yellow, so we opted for red and tan once we had the Crib Set picked out - a cute little Noah's Ark theme with lots of different animals. :) Big Brother Miles, of course, approved the animal theme. And it's neutral, not too girlie, not too boyish, and certainly not too boring. And there aren't even any child-molesting moons in there (see "Decisions, Decisions...." post below). Now we're just waiting on some furniture, and we'll be *almost* ready for Bun's arrival. Meep!

Have One for Preggers

Wow. It's St. Paddy's Day, and no beer for Preggers. No Guinness, no green beer, no Bailey's, nada. However, on the bright side of things, we are exactly THREE MONTHS from our due date today! And Bun has been increasingly active. To feel a living being move inside you is nothing short of completely wild. And I've been feeling Bun all over - way down low, way over on the right side, and just recently, about three inches ABOVE my popping out belly button, prompting me to ask Bun what the hell it's doing all the way up there. But it seems Bun prefers the right side of my abdomen, which is where most of the action takes place. Sometimes I jump from the force of a kick, and other times it's almost like Bun is tickling me. I had to stifle a laugh in the middle of a meeting today because Bun was doing the Salsa in there. This is fun stuff, this pregnancy thing. Even though it means no beer on St. Paddy's Day. As one of my girlfriends wisely pointed out, it's for a good cause. Erin Go Bragh!

Bump Watch! 26 Weeks

Here we grow again! 27 weeks is right around the corner, which means we'll be meeting The Bun in just about 3 months! Meep! The anticipation is building. We're in the process of getting Bun's room ready - painting, hanging curtains, buying furniture, etc. etc. It's fun. What's not fun: my belly button is popping out. I feel like a turkey on Thanksgiving, and my belly button is the indication that I'm "done." It hasn't fully popped yet, but I've never been a fan of outties (no offense if you have one), and what used to be my innie is now kind of a middie - halfway in, halfway out, depending on whether I'm standing, sitting, laying down, or laughing. When I'm laying down and I laugh, out it pops. Very bizarre. The good news: I've been told that my innie will return after The Bun arrives. *Phew*

Heartbeat and A Feisty One

We had another doctor's appointment today, and all is well with The Bun. He/she is growing as expected, and Oven Mom is doing well also. I've attached a video (really more an audio) of the heartbeat, coming in at about 130 bpms. Apparently The Bun doesn't like to be messed with, because as the Doc was searching around for its heart, Bun went on a kicking frenzy, bumping Doc's hand all over the place. In fact, if you look closely at the Doc's hand, you can see it jump a little. That is Bun, saying hello. And get the hell off of me.

The More You Know

I first saw "Safe Baby Handling Tips" on an email (shoutout to Queenster), and more recently, one of our friends dropped off the actual book (props to Mike). Now it's time to introduce the rest of you to the wisdom inside one of the funniest "child care" books I've seen. Since we're planning on making the trip to Babies R Us today to finish up our registry, and one of the things we're going to investigate is car seats, I figured this was an appropriate one to start off with. Enjoy.

Fuzzy Socks & Sweats

Picture trying to squeeze a watermelon into a pair of pantyhose. That’s basically what getting dressed in the morning feels like, especially on those days that all of my [2 pairs] of maternity pants are in the wash. Like this morning, for example, when the only pair of pants I had that would work for my outfit were “normal” pants, and even the bella band didn’t help too much. It makes mornings that much harder. Which is why I SO look forward to getting home, out of my work clothes and into my fuzzy socks and sweats. I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank the creator of the wonderfully soft, blue, fuzzy socks I love so much and give a big shout out to the person who invented sweatpants. You rock almost as much as the person who came up with maternity pants and bella bands.

The Importance of “Now”

“Now” takes on a whole new meaning when you’re preggers. As I’ve mentioned before, pre-preggers I was a fairly laid back person. “Now” wasn’t really a word I used; if it was right this minute or in 5 or 10 minutes, it was cool with me. Enter pregnancy hormones. Particularly when it comes to having to pee or experiencing a craving of some sort, "soon" will NOT do. Having recently spent some significant amounts of time in the car, bathroom breaks were not optional, they were mandatory, and poor John experienced the likes of Psycho Bitch a few times on those trips. Not only that, but I verbally expressed my displeasure to The Bun for him/her lying directly on my bladder, and asked him/her - as politely as Psycho Bitch could - to move. Occasionally, he/she did, and bought Daddy Driver a few more minutes of sweating through finding Preggers a rest stop.

“Now” also takes on new meaning when you have a craving. For example, I was doing my grocery shopping a couple of weeks ago when I suddenly felt as though I had just completed a marathon through the Sahara. It was all I could do not to knock old ladies out of the way as I raced to the water aisle, where I promptly dove into a 24 pack of bottled water and proceeded to drink almost an entire bottle. The woman in the aisle looked at me like I was crazy, but she must have seen a streak of Psycho Bitch because instead of saying something to me, she quickly grabbed her kid and her cart and exited the aisle. Smart people know not to mess with Preggers.

By the way, if you want a really no-holds-barred, graphic, crass examination of pregnancy and birth, check out Jenny McCarthy’s Belly Laughs. You won’t be disappointed, but you might be grossed out. In any case, it really is good for a few laughs.

Bump Watch! 24 Weeks

24 weeks! Six months! 16 weeks to go! (Remember that whole 40 week thing - see below under "Falsehoods of Pregnancy"). And what a difference a few weeks make. While I wouldn't call myself huge (yet), I am definitely large and in charge with this baby bump. And last night was a total "WOW" moment for both John and I. John finally felt the baby move - or shall I say kick/punch - twice. And bless his heart, he said, "Are you sure you weren't just flexing?" He's giving my ab muscles WAY too much credit, but I appreciated his vote of confidence in them. Alas, it really was The Bun, as was evident a few minutes later when my tummy clearly moved a few times. It was simultaneously amazing, exhilirating and somewhat scary. Think "Alien." Except, of course, The Bun didn't pop out of my stomach and run across the room.

Babymoon 2008 and Goodbye Belly Ring

Last week was a hard week, but last weekend was a blast. John and I decided to take a mini Babymoon to NYC, and it was fantastic. We saw the Bodies Exhibit (we highly recommend it) and enjoyed a jazz show at the Village Vanguard, ate some wonderful meals and walked around a lot in the sunny (albeit cold) weather. It was the perfect weekend, and exactly what you would want in a Babymoon: it was relaxing but far from boring, and at this point I'm not too huge to enjoy sightseeing by foot. However, it seems my belly is getting significantly bigger each week. Hence my trip to the local tattoo/piercing parlor this weekend. This was a big step for me. I've had my belly button pierced since I was 16, and for awhile it wasn't interfering with anything. That has changed recently, as my belly button is starting to pop a bit and things were starting to get stuck on it. So it was obvious that it was time to acknowledge the fact that my belly just ain't the same, and won't be for awhile. Try as I did, I couldn't get the ring out myself, so I enlisted the help of the professionals. And the chick with approximately 12 different facial piercings who appeared to be a total tough ass totally melted when she realized I was preggers. It's funny what pregnancy does to people. I told John this morning, now that it's pretty obvious I'm pregnant, people look at me differently. It's hard to explain, but it's pretty cool. And luckily I haven't had to knock anyone out for touching The Belly without asking. Yet.

Death, Birth

I lost my O'Ma yesterday. She was 83. I know that she's in a better place, and now that she's with O'Pa, she'll never be lonely again. We can all take comfort in the fact that O'Ma had a long, full life. I only wish she could have seen her first great-grandchild. It's nice to know, however, that we've got another guardian angel up there on our side. More than anything, though, I feel bad for the rest of us that have to live here without her. She was the matriarch of the Packer family, and to say that she will be sorely missed would be a gross understatement. It's always interesting to me, though, that death and birth seem somehow to be interrelated. There always seems to be a birth - of some sort - right around the time of a death. And with The Bun due in June, I can only hope that a little bit of O'Ma - her spunk, her dignity, her strong will, her charm - will resurface again. We love you O'Ma.

Happy Heart Day!

Here's a big red bump for all of you for Valentine's Day. Enjoy! XOXO

Our Little Spaghetti Squash

The Internet is a beautiful thing. Especially when you find out you're pregnant and want immediate, detailed information on everything having to do with pregnancy. Enter Babycenter.com, where you can find virtually everything you ever wanted to know (and some things you could have done without knowing) about pregnancy. One particular aspect I really enjoy about the site is that every week they equate they size of your baby with an item of food. At one point, The Bun was about the size of a pea. Soon, he/she grew into a medium-sized shrimp. A couple of weeks ago he/she was an apple, and this week - you guessed it - The Bun is the size of a spaghetti squash. We had our 22 week appointment yesterday, and all is well. The little Bun's heart was beating away at about 130 bpms. And FYI, I was told that the heartrate has nothing to do with the sex of the baby, but whether or not the baby is sleeping or flying around in there. Hey, The More You Know......(star)

Preggers, a.k.a. Psycho Bitch

Normally I consider myself a fairly laid back, even-tempered person. But pregnancy hormones have given birth (no pun intended) to an alter-ego: Psycho Bitch. While I've always appreciated a healthy dose of sarcasm, I am WAY over the limit these days. Below you will find the Top Ten Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman, and answers you may get if you do. I will say right now that no one has said these things to me (okay, John did ask #3, but in the end I got my way). But in some cases I have overheard people say these things to other pregnant women, so in one of my more sarcastic moods I jotted down some ideas for come-backs, just in case I need them one day. Enjoy. (Disclosure: This is extreme sarcasm we're talking about here....not for the faint of heart).

10 Things NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman
(and 10 Responses if Some Idiot Does Say One)

1. "If you’re not throwing up, you’re not sick."
Okay, the next time you’ve had too much to drink and I’ve most likely given your drunk ass a ride home, I’ll remind you of this comment when you’re hanging on to the side of the toilet begging for your life to end.

2. "They may hurt you, but your boobs look fantastic!"
Hurt? They don’t hurt. They scream every time something so much as comes near them. Any kind of material – be it spandex or cotton – feels like I’m putting on a cactus bra. When I’m in the shower – yep, you guessed it – they hurt. I hope you don’t mind my nice looking boobs not being clean for the next 9 months, because I’m never attempting to wash them again.

3. "Do you really need that hot fudge sundae from McDonald’s right now?"
Honestly, do I look like I’m kidding?

4. "Are you really that tired?"
No, I’m totally feigning being tired because it’s fun to act like you have mono and do nothing with your life. I love laying on the couch and napping for hours at a time after my 9-hour night of sleep and missing out on fun things like being outside, shopping, meeting friends for dinner and working out. In fact, I’m so ENERGIZED right now that I just might kick your ass!

5. "Want a beer?"
Yes, I do want a beer. Thanks for bringing that up, ASSHOLE. While you’re at it, why don’t you offer me my favorite kind of sushi, a salad with feta AND goat cheese and a nice deli meat sandwich?

6. "So I guess you’re automatic Designated Driver for the next 8 months or so, huh?"
Don’t even try it. You’d have to pay me to drive your sloppy, stinking butt home, and since I’m PREGNANT there’s no way I’d be able to help you into or out of my car. You’d better call a cab.

7. "Wow, you’re really showing!"
Wow, you’re really stupid!

8. "Are you having twins?"
No, but you might be seeing double since I just punched you in the face.

9. "Should you be eating that?"
Do you want me to shove it up your ass instead?

10. "Oh, you look adorable!"

Thanks for trying to be nice, but lets be honest here. I look like a WHALE. Save the nice comments for when I’ve actually had the baby and my weight gets back into the triple digits again.

Bump Watch! 21 Weeks

As I said to John last night, The Bump has arrived, and it's not going anywhere for awhile. Just last week I was complaining to him that I didn't feel like I had a baby bump. I guess the saying "Ask and you shall receive" really has some merit, because there is no denying the appearance of The Bump this week. I won't be complaining anymore. On a different note, I had forgotten that growing pains really are painful. I've noticed a pattern over the last few months that goes something like this:

1. Experience insatiable hunger.

2. Eat. A lot.

3. Experience growing pains in various abdominal areas.

4. Grow. A lot.

I have grown so much in the last week that I'm can hardly zipper any of my normal pants.....and even the Bella Band isn't helping much. Stay tuned!

20 Weeks! Half Way There!

My pregnancy journal actually said that yesterday was the halfway point - 133 days down, 133 to go. But today is the official 20 week mark, so either way you look at it, we're halfway to meeting the Bun! I must say, this pregnancy thing is pretty cool. I mean, besides the nausea and flu-like feelings I had in the first trimester, this second trimester has been a breeze for the most part. I haven't felt too much movement yet, but every now and then I'll get a flutter or what I assume is a kick/punch of some sort. I know that in the coming weeks I'll be feeling much more of these. One slightly bizarre development.......: I think John thinks he's pregnant. I swear, the boy has more cravings than I do! Last night he said, "Can you get me a milkshake?" Not "Let's go get ourselves some milkshakes," it was, "Can YOU get ME a milkshake." Last time I checked, I'M the pregnant one. So now it's on. I'm determined to have more cravings than my husband.

Bump Watch! 19 weeks

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bump has arrived. I've definitely "popped" in the last week or so. Most of my pants still fit, but when I say "fit" I mean while I can technically button them, there exists a very real possibility that the button could pop off at any moment. Thank God for the Bella Band! For those who are not familiar with this miraculous invention, it's a sucker-inner of sorts that enables you to NOT button your pants but still keep them up. Side note: They would be great for after Thanksgiving dinner too.

Decisions, Decisions.....And the Quest for the Perfect Crib Set

I never knew having a baby was so......complicated. I thought trying to pick out paint colors was difficult. HA! That's a walk in the park compared to the choices you have when it comes to everything baby. For example, I know we're going to need some bottles. So I go online to register for some bottles. Sounds simple enough, and yet I had no idea that there were approximately 30 different kinds of bottles. Some have a bent neck to help with air bubbles. Some have a bag inside that's supposed to be somehow revolutionary. Others still claim that if you use any other type of bottle, your baby is doomed to have horrible gas and will cry 24/7. Talk about pressure! So we decided to look at crib sets (sheets, etc.) online this morning, thinking that would be easy. HA! Fooled again. It's very difficult to find something that's not too masculine and yet not too girlie, and not too hokey or too boring. We found one set that I thought might work.....stars and a moon, a cool little celestial theme. That was until John said, "Yeah, I like it. Except for the fact that the moon looks like a child molestor." The search continues.

Here He/She Is!

We had our Ultrasound today, and saw the first glimpses of the little nugget. He/she was not very cooperative, and was flipping around all over the place during the entire procedure (which lasted about 45 minutes), so the pics aren't that great, but they'll do. We got to see the 4 chambers of the heart, the spine, the ribs, the brain, the skull, and the technician saw all sorts of other stuff that we couldn't quite make out. Long story short, the Bun looks good! And weighs a whopping 8 ounces. :)

The photo on the bottom is pretty self explanatory - you can see the spine (the white line) at the bottom, above where it says "Profile." The top photo is a bit more confusing. Bun is facing left, and we're looking at him/her from above - kind of. You can see a leg/knee/foot on the left, the black is amniotic fluid and you can see his/her right arm pretty clearly. Meep!

The Appetite from Hell

The first trimester I could barely muster more than some Saltines and maybe an English muffin. Then, right when I was starting to get my appetite back around Christmas, I got hit with the Stomach Flu and lost 6 lbs. in three days. Well, my appetite has officially returned, and it has returned with a vengeance. This morning for brunch I had 3 eggs, 2 sausage links, 2 slices of scrapple and 2 waffles. WHOA! Oddly enough, I still haven't gained any weight. But if I keep eating like this, I'm going to be Jabba the Hut in no time. Stay tuned!

Oh, the Exhaustion

To give you all an idea about how tired you are during the first trimester of pregnancy, this is pretty much what I looked like throughout most of October and November. Here are some comparisons for you. Picture it: You're laying on the couch, completely devoid of energy, and...

1. (Ladies): Tim Gunn walks into your living room and says, "Come with me. Heidi is waiting in a limo out front to take you shopping at your favorite stores. You have 3 days and $10,000,000 to spend." And you CAN'T DO IT. You have to say, "Tim, I can't make it work" and get auf'd by Heidi.


2. (Guys): Andy Reid walks into your living room and says, "Come with me. The rest of the team is waiting in a limo out front to take you to the Linc, where you'll pig out on free cheesesteaks and beer all day and watch us win the Superbowl." And you CAN'T DO IT.

Now you're getting an idea of the exhaustion. Kind of like mono, but without the fever and sore throat.

Some Falsehoods of Pregnancy

For those of you who have yet to go through or share in this experience, let me enlighten you on some of the biggest misconceptions out there.

1. Pregnancy is 9 months long. Pregnancy is NOT 9 months long. It's 40 weeks long....you do the math people.

2. Morning sickness really sucks. It's NOT morning sickness. It's morning, noon and night sickness, and in my case, it got worse as the day went on. It was really fun looking forward to feeling like I was gonna yack, let me tell you.

3. People will know you're pregnant because you'll have a "glow." Glow, my ass. They'll know because either a) you'll turn green, stop eating everything but bread, and run to the bathroom every half hour or so, b) you'll be even bitchier than you normally are, and/or c) you'll start looking fat. And people will assume either you're pregnant or you've been hitting Dairy Queen too often. (By the way, even if you assume, DON'T ASK SOMEONE IF THEY'RE PREGNANT IF YOU'RE NOT SURE). So beware of the "glow" comment. Most of the time when people say, "You have a glow," it's a nice way of saying, "You're fat, but because you're pregnant you can pretend it looks cute."

Incidentally, I've found that pregnancy makes me slightly more sarcastic. Can you tell?

Bump Watch! 16 Weeks

Clarification! Some of you thought the photo attatched to my first post was my 16 week photo. I got lots of comments like, "Are you sure you're pregnant?" and "Will you eat a cheeseburger?" That was actually my 12 week photo. THIS is my 16 week photo. And tomorrow is the 17 week mark. Is everyone okay on the weeks? :)

And this is Miles' reaction....

....when we told him, "You're going to be a big brother!" His response? "Is......this a good thing?" followed by, "Will I have to share my food with it?" We think he's excited, though, and will be great with the Bun. He loves kids, and we won't mind the bath of doggie kisses he loves to dish out to them. Truth be told, I think Miles knew about the Bun before we did. I suddenly noticed he was sleeping right next to me on the floor every night instead of on his own bed, and he followed me EVERYWHERE - even on my nighttime bathroom trips. Now that these nighttime bathroom trips occur about 2-3 times a night, he has stopped following me. But I swear, somehow he knows something is different with me.